I'm Back (In More Ways Than One)

I haven’t forgotten about this blog, but it seems that life continually gets in the way. At the start of this year, my job that I thought had been so promising turned into a constant trial in frustration. This resulted in most days dreading the drive to work for what awaited me and saw most nights void of any energy or desire to do anything constructive. Without going into detail, it was not a job that fit who I am, so I decided that it was time for me to move on. That was back at the beginning of May and I have been at my new job for approximately three and a half months .I am still learning, but it is a better fit for who I am, although a bit of a step back from the role at my last job, and I work with a great group of people.
It has made me question whether I am in the right career for me though. Sometimes I enjoy the work of being an accountant but most times it just feels like after almost twenty years of doing the same type of work, it is time for me to move on to something new. I have told myself that I should give it an honest effort for at least a year so I can make sure I am making an informed decision. At the same time, I have finally got my life on track and am journaling all the things I want to accomplish and how my daily progress is going. I feel like I am on the track to accomplishing great things this year. I am eating better, exercising regularly and am finally back to doing more writing.
Part of my plan will be to try to do some freelance writing and work on my playwriting and photography. I am taking a writing course through the University of Wisconsin and start classes on Saturday to finally achieve my accounting designation. I also have some long-term goals and plans starting to take shape including a few part-time business prospects on the distant horizon.
It looks like I am going to be really busy for the foreseeable future and I am excited about it, I haven’t felt this optimistic about life in quite awhile and I love it.
Take care all and remember to make a plan to achieve your goals and dreams.

What must one do, in order to grow? Francis Mayes – Under The Tuscan Sun

History Made - #30 Write A Play

Ever since I rediscovered my love of writing a few years ago, this has been in the back of my mind. Since we moved back to the city a couple years ago. and bought season subscriptions the last two years for The Globe Theatre, it has been pushing to the forefront of things I want to accomplish. Then, about a month ago, I heard about the Saskatchewan Playwrights Centre’s 24 Hour Playwriting Competition.

What better opportunity to force myself to write a play than to sign up for a competition where you have to actually show up and write alongside 25 other playwrights and wannabes (like me). I figured it would force me work on a play and allow me to interact with some creative minds.

So last Friday at 3 in the afternoon, I headed over to the University and at 4 I started writing my first play. I started with a few ideas scratched out on a piece of paper before hand and that formed the basis for what would eventually become my first play.

You may think that 24 hours is a long time to be sitting in front of a computer, but I can tell you that the time went really quickly. The night before the competition I did not sleep very well so I was concerned about my ability to stay awake and focused long enough to get a play written. But once I sat down at the computer, the time flew by and before I knew it more than 12 hours had gone by and I had more than 8,000 words filling 35 pages. My first draft was complete!

I headed home for a bit of rest and climbed into my bed right around 5 AM. After a quick sleep, I was up by 8:30 and headed back over to the university by shortly after 9. By the time I was back at it, I had just over 6 hours remaining to put some polish on my play. It took me several hours to reread my creation three times and take some of the rough edges off of it. By 2:30, Apocalypse, Saskatchewan was completed and submitted as an official entry in the competition.

It feels great to have been able to check another item off my list. It also feels great to be able to have taken an idea I had in my head, start to get it out in written form and come away with a completed story. I find that the more often I write and come away with a finished work, the more I want to write and create in this way. It also is so stimulating to be around so many creative people. Throughout my experience I heard so many bits and pieces of plays that were so different from what I was writing. Hearing about plays that are heavy on sex, gunfights, or mythical creatures (kind of makes my play set in a small town coffee shop seem boring) were just some of the storylines that I heard.

The winning plays were announced at an awards brunch this morning (Sunday), however I had to miss it as after I got home from the competition yesterday my wife and I headed out on the road as we are on holidays this week. Now, I didn’t enter the competition with the thought that I would write the best play in the competition (I know, this is the mantra of the loser, but it’s true, honestly) I just wanted the push to actually get a play written. So imagine my very pleasant surprise this afternoon when just as we were driving into the mountains I got an email informing me that my play had won honorable mention!

Of course, I am very pleasantly shocked by the fact my play won a prize, but most of all, I can honestly say that this success has encouraged me to continue to pursue this hobby.

Although it is a bit of a stretch, from now on, I am going to introduce myself as Dion Huel, award-winning playwright.

Dreams Versus Goals

It has been three months since I last posted here and I really don’t have much of an excuse. It has been a trying start to 2011 for me and that has seemed to zap my energy for doing anything when I get home from work. When I say trying, it is nothing overly serious but just the usual weekday crap that dulls a person’s usual zest for life. But, I am happy to report that I have come up with a plan and an ultimate goal at the end that will help me to check off a few things from my list in the process. I am really excited because this is probably the first time in my life that I can honestly say that I have a plan for my career (beyond schooling) and am not just relying on fate to push me where it may (I guess you could say that fate has been my career planner up to now.) This is all I should say about this for now, but just know that I am excited because I have a plan of attack to accomplish some of my long-term career goals.

This has got me thinking about so many of the dreams I have had for my life. So rarely for me have these dreams ever turned into goals. I think this happens for a lot of people. For example, we want to write a book so maybe we talk about starting it this weekend coming up but then get busy. Or we actually start and then lose energy or interest after a couple of hours and we have an unwritten masterpiece on our computer until the day comes when the computer crashes along with our dreams of writing a book. What we need to do is map out our route for success. I have done this with my own dreams of having a book published and have set aside time every week to work on my creative writing. I started this back in December and although I have not written every week, I am staying on track pretty loosely and have even entered several of my short stories in writing contests (no news back on any success but I am always hopeful.

From now on, I want to be a person striving to achieve goals, not just a dreamer (I will always be a dreamer and I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, but honestly I don’t think I can come up with a goal of winning the lottery). When I wrote my bucket list towards the end of last year, I also wrote out what I needed to do to achieve each and every goal on the list. I haven’t actively worked on every thing but I plan on revisiting the list this weekend and coming up with a true plan to achieve everything on there. It is what I have done with my long-term career goals and my writing and what I need to do to accomplish everything on my list. It is time for fate to get out of the driver’s seat and come along for the ride with me at the wheel.

How are your goals coming along? Like me do you need to revisit your map every once in awhile to make sure you are still on the right path?

On a similar side-note, I am within a month of completing #30 on my list, Write a Play. I am excited, and somewhat horrified that I have signed up for the Saskatchewan Playwrights Centre’s 24 Hour Playwriting Competition. Now, I enjoy writing, but I have always hated putting myself out there in front of people when I am doing something that I am unsure of the outcome. By unsure of the outcome, I mean, I don’t know if I am any good at. I know I can put words down on a piece of paper but I am not convinced that the words are really all that interesting.

Anyway, no turning back now and Wednesday I am off to a clinic they are putting on to teach those of us new to the world of playwriting exactly how to go about it. I definitely need this one.

I’ll keep you updated!

Fearlessly release habits, patterns and situations that no longer work

I am finally back to my blog after being forced away for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, the hard drive on my laptop crashed out and it took me until after Christmas to get it back up and running. So, after a long hiatus, I am back at it.

The title of this post is, "fearlessly release habits, patterns and situations that no longer work." I am not a huge reader, or believer, in horoscopes but happened to read my horoscope for 2011 in last week's paper. According to my horoscope, this is supposed to be my theme for the year. Sounds good to me!

Really, this is partially what my list is all about. I am not 100% happy with what my life is like right now and I know that it will not change without making a series of changes in the ways that I live my life. I have begun this transformation by making a list of the things I want to do and mapping out the steps I need to do to accomplish these things.

And another important step to anyone for me is my theme for the year, fearlessly release habits, patterns and situations that no longer work. It sounds simple but this is probably one of the hardest things to do… change. But as Einstein said, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

And so, this is the year that I will be breaking the mould on all my poor habits. And in the process my goal for the year is to check a minimum of 20 things off my list. This will get me part of the way towards checking 40 items off by the time I am 40.

Happy new year to everyone and best wishes for 2011!

Previous History Made - Complete My Degree

My post secondary educational career has never been stellar. I found high school relatively easy and had a place on the honour roll over the last three years of school, which also included various sports and activities including three seasons of football, which, of course, entailed 2 hour, practices every day for a couple months. I know I was fortunate because school came easily to me and that is not something everyone can say.

The only thing is, I really did not have to work very hard to get good marks, and when I went to university straight out of high school, I held in for one semester and totally bombed out my second. I simply did not have the discipline or habit of putting that much effort into my work. I went to tech school the following year and achieved accounting, marketing and business admin diplomas and earned generally decent marks in doing so.

BUT, I always had wished that I had gotten my degree instead. I had been living a couple of hours from the closest university for 10 years and tried taking night classes and correspondence but never was very successful. (I still do not have the greatest work ethic when it comes to reading text books (honestly, have you ever read an accounting text?!))

The last couple of years at my job I started to dislike what I was doing. This was for a variety of reasons of which a lot of the blame can probably be placed on my shoulders. I simply wasn’t the same person when I started there (single and 25) as when I left married and 35) and I really did not fit the organization anymore and as a result little meaningless things would bother me. I think when that starts to happen, it is most beneficial to both the employee and the organization for the employee to move on. I still had this desire in the back of my mind that I wanted to finish my schooling and this may have been a part of my desire to move on as well.

My wife, who happens to be considerably younger than me, had been talking about furthering her schooling as well, and I always told her if she wanted to go back to school full time, she should and we could sell our house and I would find a job in the city. I loved the small town I lived in, have many great friends and acquaintances there, but grew up in the city and was missing city life by then anyways. One day in response to my telling her to go to school she asked me why I didn’t go back full time.

This was an absolute revelation for me. I had never once considered going back to school full time because it never seemed like an option for some reason. I immediately wanted to do it (although it took me some time to convince myself to do it). I applied and was accepted to the University of Regina (in my hometown, where I had bombed out years earlier), we told only our parents (at first), who were very supportive (I am truly blessed with people around me who are concerned for my happiness), and we bought a little one-bedroom condo in Regina. A couple of months before my start date I gave my notice at work and was able to tell everyone I knew about what I was doing. I think there was only one or two people who truly did not get it. I had one person ask me when I told them “why!?” Really, what can you say to some like that, if they don’t get it straight off, they never will. I understand the question; I had a good job that paid really well and I was giving it up for two years of no income followed by uncertain job prospects.

Most people were so, so supportive. I had a lot of friends that told me “I wish I could do what you are doing” or, “I wish I had the guts to do what you are doing.” The funny thing is, I was scared as hell. I mean before I knew it I was walking into a classroom with 50 or 60 people almost half my age to do something I wasn’t even sure I had the skills to accomplish. As icing on the cake, on the first day, in my English 100 class our prof told us that if we made one of three certain grammatical errors on our final essay, she would start marking that essay from 50% and deduct from there and that we should be prepared for our marks to drop 30% from our grade 12 English! I’m thinking, “I had a 76% in Grade 12 English, that means I am going to fail this class! What the hell did I get myself into?”

I am happy to say that I ended up with a 78% in her class and even got a letter from the English department inquiring as to whether I would like to consider changing my major to English. That was also the lowest mark I received in the 19 classes I took in the last two years and I convocated with distinction in the spring of this year (if I hadn’t had a couple of poor marks still dogging me from my younger years I would have had great distinction). To say the least, I am super proud of what I was able to accomplish. It took me a couple of semesters to really get over the feeling of “I am not sure I can do this,” but what a feeling to think that and then prove yourself wrong.

The best part was meeting so many wonderful people along the way, the “leaders of tomorrow” as they say, and the opportunity to spend 4 weeks in South Korea on an international business study trip. This trip gave me the opportunity to meet and make friends with people from countries all over the world and I can honestly say it was the most enriching part of my “mature education.”

This accomplishment is probably the biggest stepping-stone in me starting to check things off my bucket list. I had some serious doubts about whether it was the right thing to do (whether it was or wasn’t, can’t dwell on that now) and whether I could do it. I am happy to say I met the challenge head on and came out victorious.

I can not overstate how much the support of my family and friends meant to me in my quest. I thank everyone who encouraged me along the way and thank all the new friends I made who were welcoming to this old man. To my beautiful wife, I can never thank you enough for your support and encouragement, you are my rock and my inspiration in everything I do.

If you want to know more about my trip to Korea, feel free to read what I blogged while I was there. I have not read it in over a year so I am not sure how good it is and I apologize for the abrupt end to it, I traveled in China for two weeks after my course but could not log onto www.blogger.com from there, so somewhere I have posts typed out that I really should post before I loose them but have never gotten around to it.

16. Bike Vietnam

So I am currently sitting at Pearson International Airport in Toronto awaiting a flight home. Sounds glamorous, I know, but I just flew here this morning for a business meeting so it really hasn’t been too exciting… the airport, an office, and back to the airport. I have been nursing a beer for almost an hour and still have 4 more hours to wait before my flight leaves. I could be drunk before I leave but that probably wouldn’t be a great idea since my boss is sitting at the next table and I have only been working for him for about 3 months (maybe after this Friday’s Christmas party it would be OK but not today.)

On my way here this morning I was thinking that I should have booked my return flight for Sunday and got my wife to fly here tonight so we could have a weekend away but I tend to think of these things way too late, besides, her sister is coming from Edmonton on Saturday so we should probably be there to meet her since she is only staying a week.

I am starting to let my thoughts drift, which I tend to do, so back to the thought for the day. My travel today has me thinking about the places I would like to go and as I look at my list, I honed in on one of the older items on my places to go list.

I was a child of the 80s and being from that time Vietnam was a forbidden place. The Vietnam war ended in the mid seventies and so the enemy in many Hollywood movies was the Vietnamese (I am thinking specifically Rambo: First Blood II). This was a place that it seemed at the time (to someone who was in the neighbourhood of 10 years old) a place that someone form the West would never be able to visit).

Then one day I read an article in the paper about travel to Vietnam, the beautiful beaches, low prices, and of course wonderful food. I don’t know what it was but I immediately wanted to go. A beautiful but previously forbidden country… what more can a traveler ask for? If that had not been enough to convince me, on a television program I saw some people on a cruise in Ha Long Bay and I was totally hooked (thus #96 on my list).

Then, a couple of years ago, I saw a program that The Great Adventure People used to have on television in Canada that highlighted their trips. This show featured a biking trip in Vietnam! I love my mountain bike and I have always wanted to do a trip on it, so it (the bike Vietnam trip) immediately went on my “wish list” (which at that time as mostly wish but not much action).

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it and about 2 years ago I decided that this was what I wanted to do for my 40^th birthday. I don’t know if the weather in Vietnam in January is favorable to doing this (I guarantee it is better that in Saskatchewan) but if it doesn’t work I will go at a different tome of year.

There are two barriers to doing this for me. The first is that I am in no shape to go biking around the hills of Vietnam in +40 weather. This I am working on although I think in the new year I am going to set training goals for myself to follow to ensure my success. The second is that my wife has no interest in traveling to Vietnam. She tends to humour me when needed and even flew over to China by herself in the summer of 2009 to meet me in Beijing (after I was done with my 4 week business study class in South Korea). Vietnam, though, is not really at the top of her travel list, but neither was China so you never know. Have a couple of options here, the first is that her sister will likely be back living in either China or Taiwan by then, and I will get her to go visit her where at least we can fly to Tokyo together, or convince her to come on the trip with me (which, of course, I would prefer). The two things I have going in my favour are 1)she is happy she went to China but really has no desire to go back , and 2) she was thoroughly impressed by our previous experience with The Great Adventure People (China Express) and since I hope to do my cycling tour through them, this may be enough to convince her.

Either way, in or around January of 2013, I plan on being on a bike amoungst the green rice terraces of Vietnam and enjoying Pho Bo every evening.

Goodbye Grandma

It has taken me a few days to even begin to get this down in black and white and now it is 2AM and I can’t sleep so I may as well get started. I will apologize in advance because it will probably be long and rambling.

It’s funny how things seem to work sometimes. (Funny strange not funny ha ha). In the last week I have read some good blogs that made me think about my grandparents. The first was by Jacqueline about her wonderful grandmother who had recently turned 100 and the second was by Annette and was entitled Biggest Regrets of the Elderly. Very different articles that made me think about the lives of my grandparents in different ways.

At the time I read these, my grandma was sick with pneumonia and in the hospital. I had the opportunity to go and visit her in the hospital on Monday afternoon. Although she recognized me, she was unable to speak as her illness her taken away her breath and her ability to speak. That afternoon, there were several of us there including her 5 children and a few of their spouses along with myself and a couple of other grandchildren that were able to make it.

When we took a break and went down to the cafeteria for some coffee, the talk was mostly somber. My mother and her siblings discussed funeral arrangements and such as with the state my grandmother was in there was little doubt that she would not be with us much longer. My cousin joked half-heartedly that she would probably surprise us all and make a full recovery and live for ten more years. But it was not meant to be. I got the call from my mother on Tuesday morning that my grandma passed away through the night.

From a personal viewpoint, there are a few good and bad things that I observe. Obviously the first is that I lost my grandma, one of the few people that have been there through my entire life and who have always loved me unconditionally. Let’s face it, grandparents are special people, the people who teach you new things and help you grow as a person but who don’t have the obligation of imposing tight boundaries around you like your parents do (that’s why grandparents are allowed to spoil you).

Without rehashing details I just covered in a previous post, before this week I have lost 5 people in my life that I considered very close to me. This is the first time I had the opportunity to “say goodbye” ahead of time. My mother advised me that if I did not want to go to the hospital and see my grandma in the state she was in it would be understandable (preserve the memory of her as she was while living not dieing). I certainly considered not going, mostly from not wanting to face the reality of the situation, but I am glad I went to see her on what turned out to be her last day with us. Although being able to “say goodbye” certainly doesn’t make it any better when you lose a loved one, I think it helps give some closure and gives a person some appreciation that your loved one is no longer suffering the way they were. I am sure this is a personal choice but I am glad I took the opportunity to see her, especially when I consider how many times in my life I have not taken opportunities when they arose only to lose them permanently (I have vowed to not let this happen anymore).

My grandma was the last of my grandparents that was still alive. My grandparents on my father’s side I never really had the privilege of really knowing. His father died when my dad was only 9 and as long as I can remember my grandma on my dad’s side had been in a home. I vaguely remember visiting what in my memory was her house when I was a small child but for the most part she lived in the nursing home. I (mistakenly I am told) thought she only spoke French because the one time a year when I would go with mom and dad to see her, that was all they spoke. My best memory of her was that although my parents would buy her presents that she would never use or keep, they gave her a cap and gown photo from my high school graduation and she kept it on the table beside her bed. I wish I had gotten to know her better but such are the follies of our youth when we don’t think of these things and life seemingly has no expiry date. My dad passed away when I was 19 and his mother not long after. My only grandfather I ever knew passed away about a year and a half ago. It was quite hard for me because we were very close but I know I am blessed to have had so much time with him and had the opportunity to forge a close bond with him. Although they are both gone now, I am happy that my mother’s parents were fortunate to have long lives that they were able to live in independence. My grandfather was 95 when he passed away and spent almost the first 90 of it living on the farm where he was born, the last years living with grandma (who had just turned 88 last month) in an apartment here in Regina. Neither ever had to live in a nursing home and although they relied on others for things as they got older, I know it is rare to have that kind of independence into your late 80s and 90s.

When I think of my grandparent’s I can always remember so many specific times spent with my grandpa and more of overall memories of my grandma. My grandpa was a person who we would follow around at the farm and who would be happy to take us to do anything and show us anything. He was the kind of forge ahead and get things done kind of person who would sometimes try to do things too fast and end up with memorable accidents. My grandma on the other hand, although never in my grandpa’s shadow, was the behind the scenes person who would have lunch ready for us when we came back and always looked out for us. She enjoyed company but hated to go and visit. She could spend time alone with no problem (I am a lot like that but I would rather be alone looking out at the Caribbean or at a patio bar in Korea by myself and she would rather be at her home alone). She often took jabs about some of her unorthodox behaviors but just as often had staunch defenders in her children and grandchildren. She was a breast cancer survivor. She was loved.

Some of my favorite memories in my life involve my grandparents. When I was in my 20s, if I was around the farm, quite often my cousins (and usually some of their friends) and I would end up out at my grandparents house. Before you knew it there would be a bottle of rye on the table and we would spend hours listening to them tell stories about “the good old days” (and eventually there would be an empty bottle of rye on the table). Six hours could easily go by like a half. More recently, my wife and I would visit them at their apartment to visit and the time would always go so quickly, but I guess that’s how life goes… quickly. Those are the times I miss the most, just sitting and “shooting the shit”.

Sometimes it is these harsh realities of losing the people we care about that gives us the extra jolt we need to get our asses in gear and get really living our lives. I am happy with the way I have been approaching my life recently and I am determined to make this event as a further push to making my life one I can be proud of. So I share my hard earned lessons with you. Like my grandma, be your own person but treat others with respect, in this way you will be surrounded by people who love the person you are and will stand up for your right to be that person when you need them. Please make sure to tell people you love them as often as you can. Don’t wait until tomorrow for anything because it may not come. Do not only cherish your memories but also write them down, memory is fragile and time goes by so quickly. Try to do something everyday that you are proud of (at the end of the day can you look yourself in the eye and be honestly proud of who you are?) Most of all, enjoy life because it is fragile and short and work and stress only shortens it. As Lucille Ball said, “I would rather regret the things I have done then the things I have not.”

I would just like to say to my grandma that I miss you already and I love you so much. I will always remember you. My cousin Jay said it as well as I could hope to, “rest in peace grandma… say hi to grandpa.”